Starting from the beginning
(NOTE: This piece was originally posted on my personal website on March 28, 2018. However, my website is no longer functioning properly so I have shared it here. Enjoy!)
Three years ago, the people told me to start a blog. I wanted to, but I didn't listen. When I was laid off from a full-time job a month before Christmas in 2016, the people told me to start a blog. Again, I wanted to but I thought I had better things to do with my time - like find work as soon as humanly possible. Now I am busy working a day job and for my own company, and the people are once again telling me to start a blog. Maybe this time I should actually listen.
The long and short of it is - I've wanted to bring focus to a subject that still isn't talked much about in Canada: third-party reproduction. It's a process that I have been investigating for years on a personal level but have still yet to figure out what my path is. Nearly nine years after first hearing the word "surrogacy" from a friend, I have gone from doctor to doctor, chatted with friends, had consultations with lawyers and "agencies", and have come to decisions with my husband but then quickly changed my mind. It's been two years and eight months since I told my doctor "let's get this ball rolling!" and started serious research. I've read every article in the newspaper, examined as many websites dedicated to egg donation and surrogacy as there are out there - at least in Canada - and even exhausted the surrogacy personals, so to speak (not necessarily the best way to find a match).
Why is this something my husband and I are pursuing? Simply put, I have health issues that make pregnancy extremely painful and risky. I could choose to carry my own baby if I wanted to, but even if things went off without a hitch, the nine-month ride would not be smooth sailing. The worst case? I could cause such stress on my heart that I'd need surgery shortly after the baby was born, or I wouldn't even make it that long. Pregnancy is difficult for a perfectly healthy woman. For me, it would be an absolute nightmare.
Further complicating matters, we've now decided to search for an egg donor. This is probably something we should have done from the start, but there was some hope this future baby would be 100 per cent genetically related to us. First, we set out with the goal of harvesting my own eggs. It's a safer alternative than pregnancy and still allows me to have that genetic connection. Little did we know that no fertility clinic in Canada's biggest city is equipped to handle an IVF patient with a serious heart and lung condition.
After having transferred from clinic to clinic, we eventually visited Victoria Hospital in London, Ont., where one of the nicest doctors I have ever met agreed they had the facilities to support me should cardiac complications arise during hormone therapy or the egg retrieval procedure. But this, too, was not an easy solution, as it involved travel and we would have to pay out of pocket as - to make a long story short - this particular case wouldn't be considered for OHIP coverage (that's an entirely different topic, to be covered off in a separate blog post).
Since then, Mount Sinai Fertility has begun to offer a high-risk program. However, the waiting list is so long and there are so few spots, my name wouldn't be drawn out of the hat until May 2019 at the absolute earliest. In fact, my doctor recently informed me it could even be 2020. Armed with that knowledge, we've decided an egg donor will speed up the process, but this adds additional costs and perhaps even another woman to the equation.
This entire process would be easier if surrogacy was actually legal in Canada. In the U.S., you can draw up a contract with a woman, get her to carry your baby and pay her a lump sum of money - at least from what I understand. Surrogacy and egg donation is entirely altruistic in Canada. Advocacy groups are pushing hard to have these laws changed and allow a woman to receive financial compensation but at the current time, paying for such a service is considered a crime. The go-around is that the surrogate can invoice the intended parents (IP's) for any expenses related to her pregnancy, such as lost wages, special medications not funded by the government or clothing. IP's are also expected to pay for any travel expenses related to the pregnancy, especially in the case that the surrogate and IP's live in two different provinces. But drawing up a contract with her for an agreed-upon amount of cash is a no-go.
So now you're thinking, what is the goal of this blog? Why is a freelance broadcaster putting this personal story on her business website? This is not just a way of sharing my personal story. From now until our hypothetical baby is born, and likely well after that, I intend to put on my journalist hat and answer some of the questions that are not being addressed, and give a voice to women who are struggling with infertility and whose needs aren't being met by the current system. Starting with April's Canadian Fertility Show in Mississauga, Ont., I intend to speak to the experts - from doctors, to lawyers and others helping women with assisted reproduction - and also hear from women themselves who are going through the long journey to try and make their dreams a reality. I'm hoping to start a podcast and possibly even a YouTube channel dedicated to this subject.
If you have had a success story, I'd like to hear from you. If you're frustrated and ready to give up, I want to hear from you too. If you're a professional who wants to see the system change, give me a shout. Let's open up this conversation and get more people talking. Because someday I'm going to be a mom, and if you want to be one - it will happen for you, too.
Three years ago, the people told me to start a blog. I wanted to, but I didn't listen. When I was laid off from a full-time job a month before Christmas in 2016, the people told me to start a blog. Again, I wanted to but I thought I had better things to do with my time - like find work as soon as humanly possible. Now I am busy working a day job and for my own company, and the people are once again telling me to start a blog. Maybe this time I should actually listen.
The long and short of it is - I've wanted to bring focus to a subject that still isn't talked much about in Canada: third-party reproduction. It's a process that I have been investigating for years on a personal level but have still yet to figure out what my path is. Nearly nine years after first hearing the word "surrogacy" from a friend, I have gone from doctor to doctor, chatted with friends, had consultations with lawyers and "agencies", and have come to decisions with my husband but then quickly changed my mind. It's been two years and eight months since I told my doctor "let's get this ball rolling!" and started serious research. I've read every article in the newspaper, examined as many websites dedicated to egg donation and surrogacy as there are out there - at least in Canada - and even exhausted the surrogacy personals, so to speak (not necessarily the best way to find a match).
Why is this something my husband and I are pursuing? Simply put, I have health issues that make pregnancy extremely painful and risky. I could choose to carry my own baby if I wanted to, but even if things went off without a hitch, the nine-month ride would not be smooth sailing. The worst case? I could cause such stress on my heart that I'd need surgery shortly after the baby was born, or I wouldn't even make it that long. Pregnancy is difficult for a perfectly healthy woman. For me, it would be an absolute nightmare.
Further complicating matters, we've now decided to search for an egg donor. This is probably something we should have done from the start, but there was some hope this future baby would be 100 per cent genetically related to us. First, we set out with the goal of harvesting my own eggs. It's a safer alternative than pregnancy and still allows me to have that genetic connection. Little did we know that no fertility clinic in Canada's biggest city is equipped to handle an IVF patient with a serious heart and lung condition.
After having transferred from clinic to clinic, we eventually visited Victoria Hospital in London, Ont., where one of the nicest doctors I have ever met agreed they had the facilities to support me should cardiac complications arise during hormone therapy or the egg retrieval procedure. But this, too, was not an easy solution, as it involved travel and we would have to pay out of pocket as - to make a long story short - this particular case wouldn't be considered for OHIP coverage (that's an entirely different topic, to be covered off in a separate blog post).
Since then, Mount Sinai Fertility has begun to offer a high-risk program. However, the waiting list is so long and there are so few spots, my name wouldn't be drawn out of the hat until May 2019 at the absolute earliest. In fact, my doctor recently informed me it could even be 2020. Armed with that knowledge, we've decided an egg donor will speed up the process, but this adds additional costs and perhaps even another woman to the equation.
This entire process would be easier if surrogacy was actually legal in Canada. In the U.S., you can draw up a contract with a woman, get her to carry your baby and pay her a lump sum of money - at least from what I understand. Surrogacy and egg donation is entirely altruistic in Canada. Advocacy groups are pushing hard to have these laws changed and allow a woman to receive financial compensation but at the current time, paying for such a service is considered a crime. The go-around is that the surrogate can invoice the intended parents (IP's) for any expenses related to her pregnancy, such as lost wages, special medications not funded by the government or clothing. IP's are also expected to pay for any travel expenses related to the pregnancy, especially in the case that the surrogate and IP's live in two different provinces. But drawing up a contract with her for an agreed-upon amount of cash is a no-go.
So now you're thinking, what is the goal of this blog? Why is a freelance broadcaster putting this personal story on her business website? This is not just a way of sharing my personal story. From now until our hypothetical baby is born, and likely well after that, I intend to put on my journalist hat and answer some of the questions that are not being addressed, and give a voice to women who are struggling with infertility and whose needs aren't being met by the current system. Starting with April's Canadian Fertility Show in Mississauga, Ont., I intend to speak to the experts - from doctors, to lawyers and others helping women with assisted reproduction - and also hear from women themselves who are going through the long journey to try and make their dreams a reality. I'm hoping to start a podcast and possibly even a YouTube channel dedicated to this subject.
If you have had a success story, I'd like to hear from you. If you're frustrated and ready to give up, I want to hear from you too. If you're a professional who wants to see the system change, give me a shout. Let's open up this conversation and get more people talking. Because someday I'm going to be a mom, and if you want to be one - it will happen for you, too.
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